More Wise Words From Kenzi’s Dad
“If you’re not early you’re late”
“I have a family here. A family in England. If we had a poodle I’d have a family in France.”
“I’ve been de-(name of old boss). It’s like deworming”
“Baths are for sissies.”
“I am wearing pants. Underpants.”
“You must engage thy knowledge center before talking.”
- my father
“I decided I need a woman at least as classy as Audrey Hepburn…
because I watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s, How to Steal a Million and Charade since you’ve been gone because I miss you.”
How Sean copes with me living in the city
“Well you and Dad are the only ones in the family who only took your road test once…so you two are in the mile high club”
- little brother.
“Umm..that means you have sex in airplanes.”
“…THAT IS NOT WHAT I THOUGHT THAT MEANT”
“I used to wear Speedos like that!”
“Your mother made me stop wearing them…why did you tell me I had to stop? I could’ve looked like these divers!”
- My father…who turns 54 on Wednesday
“How am I? Oh I’m good. I’m home. Actually I’m not home…
I’m HOME HOMEEEE ON THE WATERRRR WHERE THE DUCKS AND THE FISHIES PLAY…and sunsets…set.”
- my father when my mom calls
Brother: Did you know there are 660430 gallons in the Olympic pool?
Me: Did you know in your lifetime you supposedly make twice that in saliva.
Brother: NO WAY! …I wonder how much pee you make? I will ask Google! “How much piss do I make in gallons in life?”
“Are you a regular or a baby? Excuse me! Stand up a little so we can decide”
- My mother. To a squirrel.
“Want to come down and watch Barbara Wawa with me? She’s talking about heaven! Where is it and how do we get in? She’s interviewing important people so Barbara Wawa knows!”
- My mother loves that Barbara Walters
“don’t take those vitamins. They’re only for girls. They’ll make you oscillate”
-little brother explains “ovulation”